dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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