If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
