My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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