Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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