I just cut my nipple shaving
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Every concussion has its silver lining
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's blow job season.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
