how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
