as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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