I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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