I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
