The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
