I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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