why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
