He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
