I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
