I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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