I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
