Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
