3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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