He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
