is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
