dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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