I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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