apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
