I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
