I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Never joke about your clitoris.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm really busy with my period
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
