dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
