I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
