Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
