My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am naked and annoyed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
