It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
