You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
