I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
