Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
