Cold hands, warm shart.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
