Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
