uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
