I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
