How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
