The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
