You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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