I wish I only lived at night.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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