someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
