I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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