His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
