i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dicks are not precious.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
