I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so that wasnt chicken after all
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
