I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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