I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
