i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
