Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
