community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
