Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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