I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
